The
sense of ‘Iness after awakening
Awakening
is neither enlightenment nor liberation. Awakening is a direct intuitive
realization that 'we' are the silent luminous presence and not the ego or the
body-me. Awakening is neither enlightenment nor liberation, is just awakening.
Liberation happens only when the egoic self dissolves for ever totally.
¨That which has been created by the Buddhi extremely deluded by Nescience, and
which is perceived in this body as "I am such and such" – when that
egoism is totally destroyed, one attains an unobstructed identity with
Brahman.¨ ~ Adisankaracharya's Vivekachudamani
"Brahman
(Divine consciousness, true Self) can be clearly and definitely realised only
through Nirvikalpa Samadhi. Samadhi ensues only when the purified mind is
merged in Brahman."
"The force of impressions (samskaras and vasanas) is tremendous. Unless all the impressions are thoroughly burnt through entry into the state of the pure Nirvikalpa Samadhi, it is not safe for one to stay a long time in one’s native place. He will still be in the danger zone.
~ Swami Sivananda
"The force of impressions (samskaras and vasanas) is tremendous. Unless all the impressions are thoroughly burnt through entry into the state of the pure Nirvikalpa Samadhi, it is not safe for one to stay a long time in one’s native place. He will still be in the danger zone.
~ Swami Sivananda
Thus
if together with awakening doesn´t happen the total dissolution of the egoic
self ( which is what happens in almost all cases) then sadhana must be
continued with the same intensity as before. What changes is our attitude. We
are free from the anxiety and the impatience to discover the truth. There is deep
release of the tension. But we must continue our sadhana until all egoic
structures and the ego-sense or the sense ‘the body is me’ disappear forever
and we experience in all conditions and circumstances without a break the peace
and bliss eternal. This is liberation this is self-realization, this is
enlightenment.
When
after awakening the egoic patterns arise in us, we will continue to experience
them as ourselves, at least as part of ourselves. When for example anger is
manifested in us we still feel that we are angry. We continue sense, that we are
the agent of feelings, perceptions, thoughts etc. That it is to say that
together with the mental or emotional wave will arise in us also the sense of
‘Iness although may be subtle. This happens because every egoic expression is
part of the ‘Iness; viz. ‘Iness is not different from anger and fear but these
emotions are only modifications of the ‘Iness itself. The ‘Iness itself assumes
the form of anger, fear, pride etc.; thus when anger arises is impossible not
to feel ‘I am angry’. It would be like saying that there is sunlight without
sun and sea waves without sea.
Of
course we are aware that the ‘Iness and its expressions aren’t our identity. We
may not lose ourselves in the egoic expressions as before (although if the ego
remains strong enough we will occasionally) but this doesn´t mean that we are
free from the sense of ‘Iness, that we are free from the sense of the agent of
the egoic patterns. Even if we find ourselves in the most detached observation
of an egoic tendency there is a sense of ‘Iness even if it is very subtle. As
long as the ego continues in us even very thin and weak we are not free from
this sense although doesn´t cause suffering any more.
Our
final goal is to dissolve the ego and all samskaras and vasanas totally and
thus remain established in our essence spontaneously and effortlessly. Until
the last step we must alert and cautious practicing meditation and samadhi.
Adisankaracharya
in his book Vivekachudamani says:
342.
Even wise men cannot suddenly destroy egoism after it has once become strong,
barring those who are perfectly calm through the Nirvikalpa Samadhi. Desires
are verily the effect of innumerable births.
299.
So long as one has any relation to this wicked ego, there should not be the
least talk about Liberation, which is unique.
309.
Even though completely rooted out, this terrible egoism, if revolved in the
mind even for a moment, returns to life and creates hundreds of mischiefs, like
a cloud ushered in by the wind during the rainy season.
310.
Overpowering this enemy, egoism, not a moment’s respite should be given to it
by thinking on the sense-objects. That is verily the cause of its coming back
to life, like water to a citron tree that has almost dried up.
301.
That which has been created by the Buddhi extremely deluded by Nescience, and
which is perceived in this body as "I am such and such" – when that
egoism is totally destroyed, one attains an unobstructed identity with
Brahman.