What is impatience and how to conquer it
Atman Nityananda
IMPATIENCE
Let's see
first what impatience is. Impatience is an emotional uneasiness that arise in
us when we want to get or to achieve as soon as possible what we want or desire
Impatience is usually accompanied by restlessness, anxiety, agony, worries,
etc.
There is a
huge variety of cases where the impatience arises but if we want to generalize
a little bit, we would say that impatience arises in two cases:
FIRST
When
you want to achieve, possess or experience something pleasant or pleasurable, or something important for us.
So we want to get or to experience the desired object as soon as possible; as I
said before impatience is accompanied with emotions of restlessness,
nervousness, anxiety, distress, discomfort, etc.
When these
emotions are manifested in us this is some kind of suffering and the degree of
suffering depends on the intensity of these negative emotions of which the
intensity depends on the intensity of desire; the stronger the desire, the
stronger the impatience and all other emotions will be.
In the case
that there is a fixed day that our desire will be fulfilled, then the
impatience makes us think that it would be nice if we could meet our desire
earlier and also makes us to feel that the time pass very slow.
SECOND
When
we want to get out as soon as possible from a difficult or unpleasant external
condition, from a disease or suffering; from what makes us suffer physically or
psychologically.
When we are
in a physically painful condition (due to disease) or psychologically painful
one (due to loss of a loved one, loss of job, a failure, divorce, etc.), we
want to get out of this painful condition as soon as possible. Since we are in
a situation that we don’t want, together with impatience can arise emotions of
anxiety, nervousness, irritability, restlessness, upset etc.
Impatience,
anger and fear
Impatience,
anger and fear usually go together. When impatience is manifested, anger
assumes first a very subtle state. Anger can take the form of irritability,
resentment, unrest etc. and then, depending on circumstances, it can take a
huge form. Fear takes the form of anxiety, doubts, restlessness, anxiety and
agony. Due to impatience, anger and fear we are in a state of stress, agitation
and excitement which is a form of suffering. When these emotions intensify
suffering is increased.
The majority
is not willing to do something systematically to free their psyche from these emotional
disorders that cause suffering and destroy our health and well-being. They
accept them as a natural* or normal part of their life and usually try to find
superficial ways to overcome these emotions at least for a while. Thus they use
drinks, food, substances, pleasant impressions and activities in order to distract
the mind and avoid feel these painful emotions.
Note:
* Natural: The question that arises is: How can something that creates
suffering and disease can be natural or normal? What is natural by nature creates health, harmony and joy. Then how can the negative
emotions and all other egoic disorders that create imbalance, disharmony,
suffering, inner conflict, conflictive relationships etc. to be natural? The
natural state of man is to be healthy, harmonious, joyful, and creative, and
live in love and unity with everything.
PATIENCE
Investigating
the patience
Patience has
to do with two things:
· External circumstances and
· Psychological states.
In relation
to external circumstances, patience
is not to react with negative emotions and thoughts, complaining or insulting and
remain calm, peaceful and detached until the circumstances change by itself or
by our effort and appropriate action. Patience does not mean that we will
remain passive or inactive. Depending on the circumstances we must decide
whether to act or not. But since we are in a positive mental and emotional
state we can act from a better position and with a positive attitude (optimist
attitude, concentration and tranquility) and thus act more effectively as well
as we are in a state we can more easily accept the results of our action.
In relation with
psychological states, patience is
not to react with negative emotions and thoughts when a negative and emotional
pattern is expressed in us and endure the emotional pain until it sinks*,
trying at the same time, gently, to disidentify from the mental and emotional
patterns and observe them dispassionately, staying alert and aware of the inner
silent space within (if this is possible for us)
It is true
that we haven’t yet the patience as a positive habitual virtue, so we have to
practice and gradually to achieve it. Gradually we must develop patience in
relation to the external circumstances and the psychological states.
Note:
* Until to sink by itself or by appropriate
action: When the
emotions aren’t strong and we are alert and present enough, by witnessing the
mind (thinking and emotional), the emotions quickly fade away along with their
associated thoughts.
If we were
in a state of identification and suddenly we become conscious that we are in a
state of impatience, gently we try to regain alertness and presence and
disidentify from the negative thoughts and emotions observing them
dispassionately while being aware of ourselves. In this case also if the
emotions aren’t strong they will relatively quickly fade out together with the
related thoughts.
If emotions
are expressed strongly then naturally persist and continue to manifest for longer
time. In this case we try to alleviate and pacify them applying an appropriate
technique according to our knowledge, understanding and ability, but always
maintaining a state of alert presence and connected with our silent space
within.
Overcoming
impatience
There are
many techniques or methods to alleviate, pacify and dissolve the energy of the
impatience as well as all negative emotions in general. In fact, the dissolution
of the negative energy of impatience and all negative emotions is one of the
most important goals in spiritual work.
Three phases to overcome and eliminate the
psychological distortions
There are
three phases to treat effectively the impatience as well as any other negative
emotion and egoic tendency.
1.
Preparation phase: Every morning and
evening we dedicate time to develop the
capacities and virtues by which we can confront and eliminate the impatience as well as all the negative emotions and egoistic tendencies. Of
course except of the time we dedicate every morning and evening to develop
these capacities we practice them during all day.
2.
The current phase: We apply our
capacities and the techniques we have developed when an emotion is
manifested. We remain alert during all day to detect the movements of the egoic tendencies and lower emotions and
confront them by proper means anda proccesse when they are manifested.
3.
After phase: Every night we
dedicate sometime of our practice for introspection in order to investigate deeply our psychological reactions of the day, to know them, to understand and comprehend them and dissolve them by appropriate means.
Preparation phase
We need to
develop the fundamental capacities that are essential for all spiritual work in
general and the dissolution of each type of egoic tendencies. These are the
dispassionate self-observation (witnessing mode), detachment, the
discrimination, the concentration and the ability to be alert and aware of
ourselves (self-awareness, Self-remembrance) and disidentify from the mind. In
order to develop these capacities, we apply various practices like concentration,
pranayama, meditation, self-inquiry, study, reflection, repetition of mantras
and names of God etc.
These
capacities are very important and are at the center of all spiritual practices.
Once these capabilities have developed at a high level is very easy to observe,
perceive and realize the movements of the ego in the thinking and emotional mind
and thus not allow the egoic patterns play freely and be identified with them;
that is, these capacities allow us to become aware of the movement of the egoic
patterns from their first subtle movement and thus while they are very tiny
waves we can easily stop the process before becoming a huge wave (which is more
difficult to pacify); or if we have failed to stop the process in its very
beginning and the thoughts and the associated with them emotions are manifested
fully, then these capacities enable us not to identify completely with the
egoic patterns and thus have the opportunity to act appropriately and dissolve
them.
In the
preparation phase we also pray to Divinity help us overcome the defects and we develop
the virtue we want by doing affirmations, contemplation, visualizations and reflection
on the benefits of patience and the consequences of impatience.
The
current phase
The current
phase is the time when impatience (or any other egoic tendency) arises and is
manifested in us.
During all day we try to remain in a state of alert presence and dispassionate observation in order to impede the egoic mind to play freely and thus give it the opportunity to make us identify with it and their patterns. By being alert and present we can stop the arousal of thoughts and emotions in the very beginning and this is the best for us; but if we haven’t yet cultivated the capacity to remain alert and present enough (which is what happens in the majority) then we try to remain as dispassionate witnesses of the thoughts and emotions and try our best not to identify with them (more about how can we prevent identification: Self-awareness, identification and freedom). When we do not identify with the thoughts and emotions these subconscious egoic patterns cannot be fed and thus lose some of their energy. Moreover we can make a prayer to divine mother or to any form of divinity to dissolve the pattern and also to repeat a mantra or the name of God. The vibrations of mantra have the power to dissolve some of the negative energy and prevent the tendency to dominate us. Prayer and mantra are an essential part in the dissolution of the ego.
Actually
when we pay full attention on thoughts which are not charged with emotional
energy they fade out immediately; when our alertness and attentiveness relaxes
then the ego ‘steals’ easily the attention and begins to express itself by
thinking along with the associated emotions.
So the most
important thing is to cultivate the ability to remain always alert, vigilant,
attentive and aware of the silent space within; when we are alert and aware of
the silence interior, we do not give room to the egoic tendencies to arise
because all the attention is occupied. The repetition of
mantra during all day is a great help to maintain this state.
We can
achieve this meditative state and maintain it for a long time only when our
mind has become pure enough and sattvic and we have practiced intense
meditation for many years. Only a liberated one (who has dissolved his ego
completely) never loses the luminous state of effortless and uninterrupted
self-awareness. All the rest we have little by little by systematic regular
sadhana to achieve it.
If an emotion (and the related with this emotion thoughts persist), then we try to deal with them properly. We can apply a very effective technique that I call it one-pointed, discriminative enquiry by which we can stop the identification, and facilitate the dissolution of the egoic energy and pacify the mind. We can apply this technique together with prayer and mantra.
There are
also other ways which can help us pacify the emotions: we can make some deep
breaths, contemplate and affirm the opposite virtue of that emotion, leave the place
we were, we repeat a mantra like Om, Om Nama Shivay, Om Shanti (Peace), pray to
God or Goddess Mother to eliminate the energy of emotion, make a positive statement, affirm that we are pure consciousness
ever free and peaceful and not the mind and the body, use the method of
ho-oponopono, method of Sedona, EFT etc.. Of course to apply these techniques
effectively we must practice them regularly.
After phase
This
is the phase after the manifestation of the negative emotion or any other egoic
tendency, in which we work with the impatience and with any other emotion that was
manifested in connection with the incident. I shall discuss this issue in
another essay with more details, here I will give only a few basic guidelines.
At
this stage we work with the emotions and thoughts in relation with the event (or
situation) that these emotions were expressed. At night we assume a relaxed
position and remember the situation, the persons and the circumstances; along
with the images we recall from the memory the emotions and the thoughts in
order to investigate and understand them. It is important to understand why these
egoic patterns arise in us, how they deceive us, how they work and what desire,
need or belief is the fundamental cause that creates them. Discernment is a
very important capacity that can help us discover and understand the nature of
these tendencies. That’s why we must develop this most important mental faculty.
Since
we understand (at least at some level) what happened and why these emotions
were manifested in us, we apply a technique to eliminate them; we can achieve
this by one-pointed, discriminative enquiry, prayer, visualization, (or prayer
and visualization together), the dissolution of the tendency in the 49
subconscious levels, taking Bach flowers, EFT (tapping), sedona method.
If there is a wrong belief associated with these
emotions and thoughts we have to work with it and change it. We must also work
with the desire or ‘need’ that is related to these thoughts and emotions and
which are the original cause of the negative emotions.
Removing desire and emotions related to impatience
To eliminate impatience we must also desire, (which is the root of impatience) and also eliminate anger and fear, the main emotions that always come up with impatience. Remember that impatience arises when we want or desire something or when we like or dislike something (this pair of like-dislike is also a modification of desire-energy) or when we are afraid of something. Remember that negative emotions have desire as its root cause.So, gluttony or sexual passion and impatience go together. We become impatient to eat when gluttony arises and we become also impatient to make love and experience sexual pleasure and the orgasmic pleasure when lust arises. If we dissolve desire and passion impatience also will dissolve as well; desire and impatience are the same energy that assumes these two different forms. More accurately the desire-energy modifies as impatience because wants to experience the desired object as quick as possible. That’s why in order to overcome impatience we must also dissolve the desire which is related with this situation and which is the cause of impatience as well as of anger, fear, disappointment and depression.
The root of all is egoism, since all the egoic expressions or tendencies are just an expansion of our egoism or ego. The ego is the center around of which all the egoic tendencies revolve and the essential nature of egoism is lust and desire.
I desire, I want (pleasure, possessions, comfort, success, fame, money, etc.), I am afraid, I am angry, I am impatient, I hope, I think, I believe, I eat, I feel pleasure, I... everything has to do with our Ego or egoism; everything is a projection and an expansion of our ego of which the essential nature is desire. Thus, if we eliminate the Egoism, the whole egoic tree with all its patterns and tendencies will end up; the same will happen if we eliminate the desire.
But the majority of people cannot work directly with the root of egoic tendencies the strong sense ‘I am the body’ (‘the body is me’) or with the impulse of desire. It takes a lot of preparation as well as spiritual and mental abilities at a very high level to do so. So it is recommended to work with the various branches or expressions of the ego in the beginning, and gradually by regular systematic Sadhana (daily program of spiritual practices) to develop all necessary mental and emotional capacities which will enable us march forward our goal’ the dissolution of ego and the realization of our true nature. Without to develop the capacities of discernment (discrimination) detachment, self-awareness, dispassion, dispassionate observation (witnessing), one-pointness and tranquility of mind, concentration, forbearance, self-confidence, will-power, determination and intense longing for liberation or realization we cannot have a real progress on the spiritual path.