WHO AM I ? [Nan Yar]
WHO AM I ? is the title given to a set
of questions and answers bearing on Self-enquiry. The questions were put to
Bhagavan Sri Ramana Maharshi by one Sri M. Sivaprakasam Pillai about the year
1902
Sri Pillai, a graduate in Philosophy, was at the time employed in the
Revenue Department of the South Arcot Collectorate. During his visit to
Tiruvannamalai in 1902 on official work, he went to Virupaksha Cave on
Arunachala Hill and met the Master there. He sought from him spiritual
guidance, and solicited answers to questions relating to Self-enquiry. As
Bhagavan was not talking then, not because of any vow he had taken, but because
he did not have the inclination to talk, he answered the questions put to him
by gestures, and when these were not understood, by writing. The present
rendering is of the text in the form of twenty-eight questions and answers.
"He alone
knows me who knows me as I really am."
As all living beings desire to be happy always, without misery, as in
the case of everyone there is observed supreme love for oneself, and as
happiness alone is the cause for love, in order to gain that happiness which is
one's nature and which is experienced in the state of deep sleep where there is
no mind, one should know oneself. For that, the path of knowledge, the enquiry
of the form "Who am I?", is the principal means.
1. Who am I?
The gross
body which is composed of the seven humours [dhatus], I am not; the five
cognitive sense organs, viz. the senses of hearing, touch, sight, taste, and
smell, which apprehend their respective objects, viz. sound, touch, colour,
taste, and odour, I am not; the five cognitive sense-organs, viz. the organs of
speech, locomotion, grasping, excretion, and procreation, which have as their
respective functions speaking, moving, grasping, excreting, and enjoying, I am
not; the five vital airs [prana, vyana, samana, apana, udana], which perform
respectively the five functions of in-breathing, etc., I am not; even the mind
which thinks, I am not; the nescience too, which is endowed only with the
residual impressions of objects, and in which there are no objects and no
functioning's, I am not.
2. If I am none of these, then who am I?
After negating all of the above-mentioned as "not this, not
this", that Awareness which alone remains – That I am.
3. What is the nature of Awareness?
The nature of Awareness is existence-consciousness-bliss [sat-chit-ananda].
4. When will the realisation of the Self [one's true nature] be gained?
When the world which is what-is-seen has been removed, there will be
realisation of the Self which is the seer.
5. Will there not be realisation of the Self even while the world is taken
for real?
There will not be.
6. Why?
The seer and the object seen are like the rope and the snake. Just as the
knowledge of the rope which is the substrate will not arise unless the false
knowledge of the illusory serpent goes, so the realisation of the Self which is
the substrate will not be gained unless the belief that the world is real is
removed.
7. When will the world which is the object seen be removed?
When the mind, which is the cause of all cognition's and of all actions,
becomes quiescent, the world will disappear.
8. What is the nature of the mind?
What is called 'mind' is a wondrous power residing in the Self. It causes all
thoughts to arise. Apart from thoughts, there is no such thing as mind.
Therefore, thought is the nature of mind. Apart from thoughts, there is no
independent entity called the world. In deep sleep there are no thoughts, and
there is no world. In the states of waking and dream, there are thoughts, and
there is a world also. Just as the spider emits the thread [of the web] out of
itself and again withdraws it into itself, likewise the mind projects the world
out of itself and again resolves it into itself. When the mind comes out of the
Self, the world appears. Therefore, when the world appears [to be real], the
Self does not appear; and when the Self appears [shines] the world does not
appear. When one persistently enquires into the nature of the mind, the mind
will end leaving the Self [as the residue]. What is referred to as the Self is
the Atman. The mind always exists only in dependence on something gross; it
cannot stay alone. It is the mind that is called the subtle body or the
individual self [jiva].
9. What is the path of enquiry for understanding the nature of the mind?
That which rises as 'I' in this body is the mind. If one enquires as to where
in the body the thought 'I' rises first, one would discover that it rises in
the Heart. That is the place of the mind's origin. Even if one thinks
constantly 'I-I', one will be led to that place. Of all the thoughts that arise
in the mind, the 'I'-thought is the first. It is only after the rise of this
that the other thoughts arise. It is after the appearance of the first personal
pronoun that the second and third personal pronouns appear; without the first
personal pronoun there will not be the second and third.
10. How will the mind become quiescent?
By the enquiry "Who am I?". The thought "Who am I?" will
destroy all other thoughts, and like the stick used for stirring the burning
pyre, it will itself in the end get destroyed. Then, there will arise
Self-realisation.
11. What is the means for constantly holding on to the thought "Who am
I?"
When other thoughts arise, one should not pursue them, but should enquire:
"To whom do they arise?" It does not matter how many thoughts arise.
As each thought arises, one should enquire with diligence, "To whom has
this thought arisen?" The answer that would emerge would be "To
me". Thereupon if one enquires "Who am I?", the mind will go
back to its source; and the thought that arose will become quiescent. With
repeated practice in this manner, the mind will develop the skill to stay in
its source. When the mind that is subtle goes out through the brain and the
sense-organs, the gross names and forms appear; when it stays in the Heart, the
names and forms disappear. Not letting the mind go out, but retaining it in the
Heart is what is called 'inwardness' [antar-mukha]. Letting the mind go out of
the Heart is known as 'externalisation' [bahir-mukha]. Thus, when the mind
stays in the Heart, the 'I' which is the source of all thoughts will go, and
the Self which ever exists will shine. Whatever one does, one should do without
the egoity 'I'. If one acts in that way, all will appear as of the nature of
Shiva [God].
12. Are there no other means for making the mind quiescent?
Other than enquiry, there are no adequate means. If through other means it is
sought to control the mind, the mind will appear to be controlled, but will
again go forth. Through the control of breath also, the mind will become
quiescent; but it will be quiescent only so long as the breath remains
controlled, and when the breath resumes the mind also will again start moving
and will wander as impelled by residual impressions. The source is the same for
both mind and breath. Thought, indeed, is the nature of the mind. The thought
'I' is the first thought of the mind; and that is egoity. It is from that
whence egoity originates that breath also originates. Therefore, when the mind
becomes quiescent, the breath is controlled, and when the breath is controlled
the mind becomes quiescent. But in deep sleep, although the mind becomes
quiescent, the breath does not stop. This is because of the will of God, so
that the body may be preserved and other people may not be under the impression
that it is dead. In the state of waking and in samadhi [to be fully absorbed in
contemplation], when the mind becomes quiescent the breath is controlled.
Breath is the gross form of mind. Till the time of death, the mind keeps breath
in the body; and when the body dies the mind takes the breath along with it.
Therefore, the exercise of breath-control is only an aid for rendering the mind
quiescent [manonigraha]; it will not destroy the mind [manonasa].
Like the practice of breath-control. meditation on the forms of God, repetition
of mantras, restriction on food, etc., are but aids for rendering the mind
quiescent.
Through meditation on the forms of God and through repetition of mantras, the
mind becomes one-pointed. The mind will always be wandering. Just as when a
chain is given to an elephant to hold in its trunk it will go along grasping
the chain and nothing else, so also when the mind is occupied with a name or
form it will grasp that alone. When the mind expands in the form of countless
thoughts, each thought becomes weak; but as thoughts get resolved the mind
becomes one-pointed and strong; for such a mind Self-enquiry will become easy.
Of all the restrictive rules, that relating to the taking of sattvic [pure] food
in moderate quantities is the best; by observing this rule, the sattvic quality
of mind will increase, and that will be helpful to Self-enquiry.
13. The residual impressions [thoughts] of objects appear wending like the
waves of an ocean. When will all of them get destroyed?
As the meditation on the Self rises higher and higher, the thoughts
will get destroyed.
14. Is it possible for the residual impressions of objects that come from
beginningless time, as it were, to be resolved, and for one to remain as the
pure Self?
Without yielding to the doubt "Is it possible, or not?", one
should persistently hold on to the meditation on the Self. Even if one be a
great sinner, one should not worry and weep "O! I am a sinner, how can I
be saved?"; one should completely renounce the thought "I am a
sinner"; and concentrate keenly on meditation on the Self; then, one would
surely succeed. There are not two minds – one good and the other evil; the mind
is only one. It is the residual impressions that are of two kinds – auspicious
and inauspicious. When the mind is under the influence of auspicious
impressions it is called good; and when it is under the influence of
inauspicious impressions it is regarded as evil.
The mind should not be allowed to wander towards worldly objects and what
concerns other people. However bad other people may be, one should bear no
hatred for them. Both desire and hatred should be eschewed. All that one gives
to others one gives to one's self. If this truth is understood who will not give
to others? When one's self arises all arises; when one's self becomes quiescent
all becomes quiescent. To the extent we behave with humility, to that extent
there will result good. If the mind is rendered quiescent, one may live
anywhere.
15. How long should enquiry be practised?
As long as there are impressions of objects in the mind, so long the enquiry
"Who am I?" is required. As thoughts arise they should be destroyed
then and there in the very place of their origin, through enquiry. If one
resorts to contemplation of the Self unintermittently, until the Self is
gained, that alone would do. As long as there are enemies within the fortress,
they will continue to sally forth; if they are destroyed as they emerge, the
fortress will fall into our hands.
16. What is the nature of the Self?
What exists in truth is the Self alone. The world, the individual soul, and God
are appearances in It. like silver in mother-of-pearl, these three appear at
the same time, and disappear at the same time. The Self is that where there is
absolutely no 'I'-thought. That is called 'silence'. The Self itself is the
world; the Self itself is 'I'; the Self itself is God; all is Shiva, the Self.
17. Is not everything the work of God?
Without desire, resolve, or effort, the sun rises; and in its mere presence,
the sun-stone emits fire, the lotus blooms, water evaporates; people perform
their various functions and then rest. Just as in the presence of the magnet
the needle moves, it is by virtue of the mere presence of God that the souls
governed by the three [cosmic] functions or the fivefold divine activity
perform their actions and then rest, in accordance with their respective
karmas. God has no resolve; no karma attaches itself to Him. That is like
worldly actions not affecting the sun, or like the merits and demerits of the
other four elements not affecting all pervading space.
18. Of the devotees, who is the greatest?
He who gives himself up to the Self that is God is the most excellent devotee.
Giving one's Self up to God means remaining constantly in the Self without
giving room for the rise of any thoughts other than that of the Self.
Whatever burdens are thrown on God, He bears them. Since the supreme power of
God makes all things move, why should we, without submitting ourselves to it,
constantly worry ourselves with thoughts as to what should be done and how, and
what should not be done and how not? We know that the train carries all loads,
so after getting on it why should we carry our small luggage on our head to our
discomfort, instead of putting it down in the train and feeling at ease?
19. What is non-attachment?
As thoughts arise, destroying them utterly without any residue in the very
place of their origin is non-attachment. Just as the pearl-diver ties a stone
to his waist, sinks to the bottom of the sea and there takes the pearls, so
each one of us should be endowed with non-attachment, dive within oneself and
obtain the Self-Pearl.
20. Is it not possible for God and the Guru to effect the release of a soul?
God and the Guru will only show the way to release; they will not by themselves
take the soul to the state of release.
In truth, God and the Guru are not different. Just as the prey which has fallen
into the jaws of a tiger has no escape, so those who have come within the ambit
of the Guru's gracious look will be saved by the Guru and will not get lost;
yet, each one should by his own effort pursue the path shown by God or Guru and
gain release. One can know oneself only with one's own eye of knowledge, and
not with somebody else's. Does he who is Rama require the help of a mirror to
know that he is Rama?
21. Is it necessary for one who longs for release to enquire into the nature
of categories [tattvas]?
Just as one who wants to throw away garbage has no need to analyse it and see
what it is, so one who wants to know the Self has no need to count the number
of categories or enquire into their characteristics; what he has to do is to
reject altogether the categories that hide the Self. The world should be
considered like a dream.
22. Is there no difference between waking and dream?
Waking is long and a dream short; other than this there is no difference. Just
as waking happenings seem real while awake. so do those in a dream while dreaming.
In dream the mind takes on another body. In both waking and dream states
thoughts. names and forms occur simultaneously.
23. Is it any use reading books for those who long for release?
All the texts say that in order to gain release one should render the mind
quiescent; therefore their conclusive teaching is that the mind should be
rendered quiescent; once this has been understood there is no need for endless
reading. In order to quieten the mind one has only to enquire within oneself
what one's Self is; how could this search be done in books? One should know
one's Self with one's own eye of wisdom. The Self is within the five sheaths
[five koshas: food, vital force, mind, intellect and bliss], but books are
outside them. Since the Self has to be enquired into by discarding the five
sheaths, it is futile to search for it in books. There will come a time when
one will have to forget all that one has learned.
24. What is happiness?
Happiness is the very nature of the Self; happiness and the Self are
not different. There is no happiness in any object of the world. We imagine
through our ignorance that we derive happiness from objects. When the mind goes
out, it experiences misery. In truth, when its desires are fulfilled, it
returns to its own place and enjoys the happiness that is the Self. Similarly,
in the states of sleep, samadhi and fainting, and when the object desired is
obtained or the object disliked is removed, the mind becomes inward-turned, and
enjoys pure Self-happiness. Thus the mind moves without rest alternately going
out of the Self and returning to it. Under the tree the shade is pleasant; out
in the open the heat is scorching. A person who has been going about in the sun
feels cool when he reaches the shade. Someone who keeps on going from the shade
into the sun and then back into the shade is a fool. A wise man stays
permanently in the shade. Similarly, the mind of the one who knows the Truth
does not leave the supreme Reality [Brahman]. The mind of the ignorant, on the
contrary, revolves in the world, feeling miserable, and for a little time
returns to Reality to experience happiness. In fact, what is called the world
is only thought. When the world disappears, i.e. when there is no thought, the
mind experiences happiness; and when the world appears, it goes through misery.
25. What is wisdom-insight [jnana-drishti]?
Remaining quiet is what is called wisdom-insight. To remain quiet is to resolve
the mind in the Self. Telepathy, knowing past, present and future happenings
and clairvoyance do not constitute wisdom-insight.
26. What is the relation between desirelessness and wisdom?
Desirelessness is wisdom. The two are not different; they are the same.
Desirelessness is refraining from turning the mind towards any object. Wisdom
means the appearance of no object. In other words, not seeking what is other
than the Self is detachment or desirelessness; not leaving the Self is wisdom.
27. What is the difference between enquiry and meditation?
Enquiry consists in retaining the mind in the Self. Meditation consists in
thinking that one's Self is Reality, existence-consciousness-bliss.
28. What is release?
Enquiring into the nature of one's Self that is in bondage, and realising one's
true nature is release.
